Tuesday, April 01, 2014

Spring Book Releases

I have definitely been a busy little beaver, and I have THREE ebooks coming out soon. Pre-order now!

By popular demand, a definitive listing of all the hot international babes I've banged, with a psychotically obsessive catalogue of individual rankings and ratings (both general rankings and specific individual rankings of tits, ass, asshole, pussy, face, and cock-sucking capacity.)

In addition, I've included transcripts of every conversation I had leading up to the fucking, a list of how much alcohol was consumed in each case, and a general post-mortem of how long each individual sex act lasted, which orifices were penetrated, which diseases were contracted, and a general description of how mortified both of us were the next morning, as well as pictures of their vaginas! You WILL validate my existence!

Buy it HERE!

Traditionally, the "manly" virtues were easy to define: Honor. Loyalty. Honesty. Integrity. Responsibility. Productivity. And the "manly" jobs were those that protected and served the community: police officers, firemen, soldiers, farmers, builders, astronauts, fighter pilots,  etc.

But now, as the 21st century has dawned, we see that all that shit is fucking stupid and gay, and that the REAL manly virtues are: Selfishness. Dishonesty. Irresponsibility. Weight-lifting. A low-carb diet. Relentless random fucking. And of course, the ultimate expression of masculinity --  sex tourism.

As well, the "manly" jobs are redefined: the TRUE men now are bloggers. e-book writers, podcasters, Amazon affiliates, SEO experts, and owners of e-marketing pyramid schemes. Oh, and MMA fighters.

Join the next wave of masculinity, and be a MAN and forego marriage and children in favor of fucking some babes and hanging with your bros. Buy it HERE!

Which brings us to:

Here it is: the definitive step-by-step guide to picking up drunk college girls, and usually that'll be in other countries because as we know all American girls are fat, even the foreign girls who go there to study.

 Included herein are relentlessly researched techniques such as the "Ted Bundy Opener" -- feigning weakness with a false cast --and unbeatable lines such as "Say, Baby, those titties are looking fine!" and advice on talking to them on their level -- "Say, that Lady Gaga is kind of neat!"

Buy it HERE and quadruple your joyless obsession!


Farage said...

I've ordered all three!

Joking aside, can we have the new memoir soon... please!

Anonymous said...

Dude I would totally read that first one.

Anonymous said...

Biggest part of your April fool's joke is that in America we actually got it on March 31st due to the time difference.

brian said...

Best part? I'd have ordered all three.

steve said...

In every joke there is a kernel of truth. And like Anon said, I think you have found a market that would happily devour a book like that. It is actually very sophistic an idea, and you could make both crap loads of money, and if written satirically cute enough, become critically praised as a classic of our age.